I am on the floor playing with the kids. My son is happily listing off all the people he loves. “I love Mommy. I love Daddy.” A pause as he places another Lego on his creation, and then he quips innocently, “I love me.”
I am jolted by the reality of what he just said. Oh the honesty. The shameless truth.
I move on throughout the day, the incident nearly erased from my mind.
That evening I am
sharing complaining to my husband about all the inconveniences of the week. Apparently a dead computer and having the car in the shop is the modern day equivalent of a drought or something. It is bad enough that I am stuck at home unable to do the things I had planned. But then to not have a computer on top of that? Really, could it get any worse? I have clearly had an easy life.
My plans altered. My schedule changed. My world inconvenienced.
My husband sympathizes with the situation, but the resulting discussion reveals my own heart. It really comes down to a struggle between God’s Kingdom and my kingdom. God ordains events and circumstances. I struggle with frustration only because I do not want to accept that my kingdom has been shaken up. And I don’t like it.
It turns out I am no different than my son. I love me.
How easy it is for me to accept a Sovereign God when things are going my way. But I am plummeted into a sea of self pity when the smallest thing alters my plans. And how quickly do I begin to dish out all the excuses for why I am upset.
I didn’t sleep well last night. It was a stressful day. I had to change my plans. My computer doesn’t work. My car is in the shop. My, my my, I, I, I…
I make it look prettier than the bare, raw, open, “I love me,” but it is no different.
The love of me balking at the God of the universe.
My little kingdom at strife with God’s kingdom.
My kingdom, which is no more solid than a sand castle waiting for the next wave to erase its existence, at war against the God who never changes.
Oh God, help me today to love you more than me.
Give me joy in Your Kingdom, not mine.
Give me contentment in Your plan for my day, not my plan.
Are you struggling with something big or small in your life today? Are you in a war of kingdoms?