We were up late last night, Brian and I. The daily grind of motherhood and my own shortcomings were heavy on my mind. Thankfully, my husband listens, cares, and helps me see my own blind spots.
I was lamenting that I wished I could just start the day over. Not because of my kids’ behavior, but because of mine. Can I have a second chance to get in a better frame of mind, to respond differently to my children, to love better, please? It’s not the big stuff, I sweat, it’s the every day. Because everyday happens over and over and over.
After talking philosophically and theologically about it, we talked practical things I could do to help the cause, so to speak. Nothing earth shattering, really. Just small changes in our day that I can implement. Will they work? I don’t know, we’ll see. I lamented that I wished I could just go back and start the day over with those ideas. You know, I want to know right now if it is going to help. He said, there’s always tomorrow.
So today this is what I’m doing.
1. I am choosing to accept grace and forgiveness for my own sins and shortcomings, and not dwell on them.
2. I am thanking God that He is gracious to reveal my own heart to me.
3. I am taking small, practical steps to die to self today.
Dying to self in motherhood is a daily battle. Sometimes it is a minute by minute battle. I am thankful God’s grace will sustain me today.