I have a couple of dear friends who frequently text me at night, and sometimes even in the middle of the night, to tell me they are praying our night goes well. While trying to find what helps Olivia sleep better, we have had a lot of rough nights, and we have had some okay nights. I’m always grateful to know that someone is praying specifically that Olivia would sleep.
As we struggle through difficult sleep patterns, long hours awake with screaming, or just plain restlessness while sleeping, I have thought a lot about what makes a good night. If you are a mom of an infant, you might consider getting 2 hours together of solid sleep a good night. If you don’t have young children you might think nothing short of a solid 8 hours is a good night. Whatever the case, we all dream of a perfectly peaceful night’s sleep.
As someone who believes with every core of my being in the sovereignty of God, I find that I have a much easier time seeing God’s hand in the big things than I do in small things. Olivia’s illness that has left its mark on our family is a big thing. While I have wondered why this happened, and wondered what God is doing in and through this, I have never once questioned the fact that God purposely planned for this to happen.
We are also in the midst of life decisions, and I trust that while I may not understand the reason for things, I do know that God has laid out a plan for our life. My theology is firmly grounded, and allows me see these life events in light of God’s working in and through our lives.
But where is my theology at two in the morning when I’m up rocking a screaming child and I desperately want sleep? Do I really believe that God will only allow exactly what is good and perfect for me even in such a small thing as my daughter’s sleep?
Do I really believe that God’s hand is in all parts of life? The big events. The little moments. The seemingly trivial circumstances. Do I believe that He lovingly chooses everything that comes into my life, giving me no more than I can handle, but exactly what I need to grow and love Him more. Shaping me equally with small insignificant moments as with big ones, to become more like Him, and to mold this broken, feeble vessel into a beautiful work of art?
Do I see His fingerprints in the small details of life just as easily as I see them in the life changing circumstances?
God loves us and lovingly chooses our circumstances. From the big to the minute, God ordains the moments in our life to make us more like Him.
As I was lying down in bed several nights after arriving home from the hospital, I breathed out in the darkness a prayer to God. But this time it was more than a plea for a good night’s rest.
“God, Olivia will only wake up tonight the exact number of times You intend for her to wake up. No more, no less. Help me to lovingly serve her in those moments. Help me to not grow weary in the calling you have given me these days. And give me grace and courage to be shaped into Your image by her sleep patterns.”
It was a good night. And it had nothing to do with how many times I woke up.